I pride myself on seeing a feature film in its entirety, no matter how dire. But, after watching 30 minutes of Playtone/Alliance's Larry Crowne - written, directed by and starring Tom Hanks - those exits were looking mighty tempting.
A middle-aged fantasy about an older man going back to college, it's a vanity project that wastes the talents of everyone involved.
Tom Hanks Stars in and Directs Larry Crowne, Starring Julia Roberts, George Takei and Pam Grier
When box store employee Larry Crowne (Tom Hanks) gets summoned for a chat with Management, he thinks he's gonna be Employee of the Month for the ninth time. Instead, his smarmy bosses hand him a pink slip. The reason? Larry doesn't have a college education.
Thinking a degree will make him fire-proof (oh, the naivete!), Larry enrolls in the nearest community college. He makes friends with a groovy coed (Gugu Mbatha-Raw) who gets him into her wild-n'-crazy moped gang and outfits him with a funky new wardrobe - if those are thrift store clothes, I'm Karl Lagerfeld. In addition, Larry catches the eye of one of his teachers (Julia Roberts). Much attempted comedy and life lessons ensue.
This movie is the worst kind of middle-aged wish-fulfillment fantasy. Scripter Tom Hanks - along with Nia Vardalos (My Big Fat Greek Wedding) - has written the central character as a Mary-Sue* who seemingly has no flaws. His best friend (Cedric the Entertainer) is black! Kids think Larry's cool! The hunky young stud (Wilmer Valderrama) is scared he might steal his girlfriend! His hot teacher has the hots for him!
Speaking of the hot teacher, Roberts plays her character as a bitter, alcoholic shrew who, if this was real life, would send any potential romantic partner running for the hills. However - since she's played by Julia Roberts - we're supposed to think she's adorable. And yes, she also has a black best friend (Pam Grier). However, there's no way Roberts can make this character appealing and her romantic scenes have zero chemistry. Why Hanks' real-life spouse Rita Wilson (who plays a bank employee) wasn't cast in that role is a mystery. Then again, the entire cast struggles. Even George Takei can't score laughs with his pompous Economics teacher character.
Anything else? Anyone who has ever gone to college or university will immediately call bogus on half the script: whether it's Roberts' willingness to risk her career by snogging a student or the classroom shenanigans, most of which would never fly in any real college.
Larry Crowne a Waste of Time and Talent
From Philadelphia to Toy Story 3, Tom Hanks has earned his reputation as one of Hollywood's greatest actors. However, it's clear his talents don't extend to the camera or the script desk. Let other people write your dialogue, Tom: your career will thank you.
Larry Crowne gets a 1/5.
*FYI: "Mary-Sue" is a literary term for a character in a book or movie who is an idealized version of the author. Classic example: Twilight's Bella Swan is a Mary-Sue of author Stephenie Meyer.
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